I Can’t Go To Pigfarts, It’s On Mars

So now that it’s getting to be the end of the year, I thought I’d do a post on the things I’ve learned in college. It should be interesting, but probably not useful. So here is the List of Things The Brochure Does Not Tell You Before Moving In.

1. IP: It’s very difficult to choose the perfect IP assignment. Electrics is good because there’s quite a few good looking guys who work there. It’s also pretty laid back on some days. The bad thing is that it involves a lot of ladders and tall people stuff. There’s also a lot of technical knowledge you need. I had my last day of it today and I’m just starting to understand what I’m doing. Props is good because Robert’s really cool. The only problem is that there’s a lot of crummy tasks like cleaning out the moldy kitchen and running lots of heavy stuff to the dumpster. Carpentry has a lot of hot guys, but there’s a lot of sawdust and heavy machinery. Costuming has pretty low key tasks and you actually get to sit, but there’s a lack of guys I can flirt with.
2. The Weather: The tour guides and brochures say that Greeley is just like the rest of Colorado: warm in the summer and cold in the winter. They’re wrong. Greeley is constantly windy. If it looks nice outside, it probably is still cold from the wind. It’s super hot in the summer, windy in the fall, freezing in the winter, and rainy in the spring. There’s very few “nice” days up here. Which is too bad, since the guys will play football shirtless when the weather’s nice.
3. The Food: During tours and Orientation everyone always raves that UNC has the best food anywhere. That is true for the first month of school. It’s like the school saves the best food for the first few weeks so you buy a meal plan. Then for the rest of the year everyone walks past the menu and says, “Oh look, crummy food again.” I wish the Coffee Corner was open at better hours, cause I’d eat there.
4. Early Classes: Never, under any circumstances, sign up for early classes if you can help it. You will be too tired to pay attention. Sadly, I do not get to choose what time my theatre classes are, which means I have to wake up super early to get there in time.
5. Find out where the party dorm is and avoid it. Seriously. I have been woken up by drunken screaming and loud sex more often than I’d like.
6. Make friends with the bus drivers. The bus drivers who know me wait at the stop or pull the bus over when they see me coming. The bad part: the bus driver may talk to you the entire time about how the diesel bus works.
7. Ice is bad. Avoid it at all costs.
8. There are no snow days. The entire state could be shut down, but UNC will still have classes.
9. A coffee maker is the best purchase you will ever make. (Besides a car and a laptop).
10. It is possible to write a ten page research paper in six hours.